A Letter to MS

Dear MS,

I'm not sure if that greeting is appropriate because you are not dear to me, you were an unexpected and unwelcome visitor that has turned up and unfortunately you will never leave.  The day I found out you were coming to stay is a day I will never forget, that is only if you permit my memory to serve me for years to come but I guess it is for that reason why I have chosen to write this.  It was on that day, the 4th of April 2013, that I was told about how you were residing in my brain and on my spinal cord in the form of lesions.  When I saw you for the first time I knew you were the reason for my stumbling, falling, pins and needles, numbness and vertigo.  I was so mad at you for what you were doing to my body.  Tell me this, why did you have to come and stay with me?  

The scars you have caused cannot be seen on my skin.  You prefer to hide inside my brain and spinal cord and the only sign that you even exist is the symptoms you cause me to have to endure.  I've never had to deal with anything like you before.  You have made me look deep inside myself and take a good hard look at my life and how it was going to change.  I have had to go through all the steps of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.  You might think that you haven't caused that much trouble but you have no idea, the amount of tears i have shed, the anger I have have felt is all because of you.  The times I fell down, felt dizzy, had terrible back spasms, numbness, vertigo and tingling.  I never knew it was you and I really wish it wasn't you.  

Now I know it is you, i can deal with you in my own way and on MY terms.  I have reached the last stage of grief and accepted that you are there.  I will continue with living my life and achieving what I wanted before I was told you were there.  There may be days where your presence is more prominent and you will make me feel like absolute crap but there will also be days where I don't even know you exist.  Even though you are always in the back of my mind there will always be more important things on my mind then you.  

So there you have it MS, you may have invited yourself to stay but I will always be living my life how I choose.  I will live in hope for a cure so that I can finally get rid of you.  Until that time comes I will be attacking you with everything I can.  You have messed with the wrong person MS, so i'm sorry to say that you will never win.  I will always be fighting and I will fight to win.  

Yours in sufferance,