As if having MS wasn't bad enough...
In addition to the physical symptoms that come with having MS, it also brings emotional changes. These changes can include:
- Mood Swings
- Uncontrollable Laughing or Crying
- Feeling Isolated
If i'm honest I have personally experienced all of the above and not one was better then the other. The one that sticks to mind and one that I still have to deal with on a daily basis is Anxiety. Some people may confuse Anxiety for Depression, I am not Depressed I have moderate Anxiety.
That is a question I ask myself every day.
- I didn't stop at that red light?
- I took the entire packed of these pills?
- I wake up tomorrow and can't move my legs?
- I suddenly can't see?
- I can't work anymore?
The list is endless. Imagine having these thoughts running through your mind every day, sometimes several times a day. The 'What ifs' remained only 'What if?' and never was it acted on or happen.
It wasn't until one day at work someone was in a not so good mood and decided to take it out on me with some off hand comments about situations I had no control over which upset me to the point that I just shut down. I couldn't speak, all I could do was try and hold back the tears. I didn't feel like anyone took it seriously but they tried to justify what was said and that made me feel like I was just being oversensitive. How about you try and deal with what I have had to deal with and not be a bit precious? I couldn't even face going back to work for the next two days and I knew something wasn't right so booked myself in to see my GP.
We spoke for a long while about everything...how I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. My GP is so kind and gentle, she makes me feel at ease and that I can tell her anything. Never once did she make me feel like my feelings were unjustified, she even said that they were understandable. She took me through a questionnaire and my score was high - you want a low score. We spoke about options on how to manage my anxiety, medication, therapy and relaxation techniques. I decided on taking some medication, Sertraline (Zoloft) and talking to a Psychologist. I have not been on the medication for two months and am feeling much better in myself. I went and spoke to the Psychologist once and was a bit naughty and cancelled my second appointment.
Being diagnosed with something like MS is enough to make anyone have these feelings. I'm not crazy but I have lost a sense of control over my life. If I can't control my body how can I do what I want to? Here's the thing, I can control my body and where I want to be and what I want to do. It just gets lost in translation sometimes. Thats probably the best way to put it. There is nothing stopping me from doing what I want to do - the only obstacle I have to overcome is my mind. Believe that I can do it and do it differently but get to the same outcome. Plans change and that was something that was hard for me to come to grips with, I'm a planner and I had it all planned out and now its gone but its not. I know now that I can do it. I can do anything I want to. People who know me, know that I am determined and stubborn and that is why I can do it all.
Thank you all for reading my blogs and if you at all feel depressed or have anxiety go and talk to your GP they can help. You are not alone and getting help is not a sign of weakness - it shows your strength and determination.